Vulcans Don't Cry
by VulcanCheesecake
Summary: Spock gets captured and suffers at the hands of Nero, in the worst way he can imagine. Will his captain be able to make it all right again?
1. Lost

"Captain, it's been almost four days, he's most likely dead." No. No, he couldn't be dead. Spock was _not _dead. But he was in big trouble. Jim knew that much.

"Keep searching Mr. Sulu, that's an order," Jim snapped back. He didn't like the finality in Sulu's tone. What did it matter to him if Spock was dead? He had Chekov; he didn't have to look after Spock in a universe so full of illogical humans. Sulu didn't know; he did not have a T'hy'la.

Spock calculated that he had been strapped to this table for approximately 3.4 days. He had been unconscious for some of it, but his keen senses were all active now. And had been for a while. He had been questioned, he had been hit, the Romulans had even plunged his head into tanks of icy water to get information about the _Enterprise _and her captain. But Spock had not given in to the Romulans. His pain levels were high, but he was controlling them fine. His emotional state however, was already fragile, and this physical and mental abuse was breaking it more. The emotion Spock was trying to suppress at the moment was fear. Nero himself had gloated and promised something especially awful. Spock was afraid as to what it was, and afraid that Jim would stop looking. They were well hidden, Spock knew, and he couldn't bear the thought of his captain, his eventual T'hy'la giving up and leaving him to whatever awaited him here.

Spock distracted himself with memories. He hadn't liked Jim for a long time, after he cheated his test, was so reckless, so determined, so _human. _But he proved himself, and used his determination, not to annoy Spock (though he did at times), but to make him feel as good as he could, seeing as he was grieving for the loss of his planet, his friends, his mother. Not that he had many friends outside of the ship. Jim started off making conversation. They played chess some nights. They both knew what Jim really wanted, but they both ignored it, until Spock began to gather his head together again, and sort through some of the confusion. He realised he wanted it too. And the way Jim had hesitated, comforted, genuinely took an interest in Spock. Not just stared at him for being Vulcan. The way he had thought of Spock before himself proved to Spock that Jim meant something. He recalled the night they did not play chess. The way Jim Kirk had been gentle, slow, letting Spock lead, though he was on top. For a little while, Spock had disregarded everything, and Jim wasn't complaining either. You would never think with his reputation, that Jim was a considerate lover, but he was. Spock opened his eyes and wished Jim was here now. Wished he could tell Jim what they had done to him already, so he could be in those strong arms, resting his head on a sturdy shoulder.

Spock quickly clamped down on the new rush of emotions too. Maybe it would be better if he didn't think about anything at all. He attempted to meditate, with some success, for several hours, but was shaken from his healing trance by Captain Nero himself.

"Good evening, Captain," Spock said coolly, playing the logical, courteous side. Nero had no intentions of returning the sentiment.

"I'm going to fulfill my promise, Spock. I promised I would hurt you. How oh-so-easy it will be to break you." His tone was sing-song, mocking, and it struck a deep chord of fear into Spock's logical heart. He began again to clear his mind; now was not the time to respond emotionally. He reserved his human side for Jim. Nero ordered the guards out of the room, but not before he gleefully dragged his nails down Spock's unblemished cheek and tugged his prisoner's stained and ragged uniform shirt off. Spock didn't struggle; just attempted to quietly break his restraints, with no success. Nero continued a string of insults and threats as he calmly scratched Spock's exposed torso, pulling his hair for good measure. The prisoner couldn't help but wonder what new, inventive form of abuse his captor had lined up for him, but gave nothing away. He just clamped his lips together and glared.

It was only when Nero's pointed fingernails began to dig in to the soft flesh of Spock's lower stomach and began to play with the fly of his uniform trousers that Spock began to properly worry. His hips jerked involuntarily, and Spock struggled at his restraints.

"Oh hush," Nero crooned. "It's far too soon to be getting so jumpy." He grinned, showing white, sharp teeth. Nero seductively wriggled out of his robes, so he was half naked, like Spock, and climbed on to the table, planting his knees either side of Spock, to hold him steady. He leaned over so his face was inches from Spock's.

"It's only _now _that you should start getting scared…" he whispered, pressing his hands on to Spock's shoulders as he undid the ties holding Spock to the table, and leaning even closer to bite the tip of Spock's pointed ear, in such a way that would have been sensual if it was his T'hy'la that was doing it. As it stood, Nero was hurting him, biting harder and harder, so Spock could feel the green tinted blood running into his tangled hair.

"Don't." Spock stated, trying to sound commanding and unafraid, but it didn't work. It sounded like he was pleading. Nero just laughed, but pulled his teeth from Spock's delicate ear, leaving it burning and ruined for the moment. Nero shifted position a little and Spock felt his captor's erection pressing into his now-exposed thigh; Nero had decided to rid him of his uniform altogether.

"Don't!" Spock hissed again, knowing now, where this was going. He could not bear the thought, and tried again to calm his mind. Tranquility would not come tonight. All he could do was attempt to believe this was all a dream, and he would wake up with Jim beside him, and they could laugh about the illogic of it together.

"Oh, I will Spock." Nero grinned, wickedly. "Because it's what will hurt you most. Maybe you'll regret destroying my home planet if I give you a few reminders." So that was it.

"No…I never…it wasn't…_please!" _Spock knew resistance was hopeless. Nero would never listen. Spock's captor's long fingered, almost white hands scratched their way down his stomach, and rested on his hips. Spock's own hands urgently held them still, trying to stop them moving any more. Pointed nails dug into his narrow hips and Spock bit his bottom lip again, reactions mostly emotional now. He still held a shred of logic and Vulcan mantra enough to keep his face carefully neutral. He had enough to be disappointed in himself for his shrill begging, so he decided to be silent from that moment on.

Nero was even stronger than Spock, and easily flipped him on to his stomach, despite Spock's attempts to stop him. _Oh Jim, where are you?_ His mind shouted, and Spock had to bite his lip to stop him shouting it out loud. Spock still tried to stop Nero's hands, as his nails made more and more angry, vivid green welts on his pale back. Nero effortlessly pinned them between his shoulder blades, twisting them painfully. Spock didn't see his face, but Nero stopped dead in his tracks, grinning maliciously. Spock's breathing quickened, anticipating, dreading.

Spock's sharp little teeth split the skin of his lip as Nero finally invaded his deepest, most private place, reserved for his T'hy'la, Jim only. But still he did not cry out. His mind screamed out for Jim, needing Jim's slow, delicate passion here. But none came. No warm, lithe body bent over Spock's back to whisper endearments and sweet nothings in his pointed ear. No wiry, yet strong arms wrapped around his hips or chest. No form of preparation was applied. And it was most certainly not in any way pleasurable for Spock.

He felt as if he was being split in two. Even his first time had not been like this. Nero pressed him further into the freezing metal of the table as he thrust, deep and hard, into Spock, sending shockwaves reverberating through his thin body every time he jarred Spock's poker-straight back with his sick desire. Nero leaned over him, pushing his arms higher and sending a long shudder of pain along them. Spock choked as Nero pushed particularly hard, and he felt something tear.

The blood was a blessing and a curse. At least it acted as some form of lubricant, far too late. But it also meant Nero was thrusting into the cut inside him. Spock exhaled forcefully through his nose as he forced himself to stay silent. He rode out the rape with a decidedly un-Vulcan mantra running through his turmoiled mind. "Jim will be here soon…Jim is coming…Jim will make it all right again…" Spock hung on to the memories of sex with Jim, slow, gentle, kind to him. He could almost believe it was Jim inside him now, if it was not for the repetitive, stabbing pain.

Nero's pace quickened, and Spock's whole body was jolted on the steel table. His eyes watered as Nero tore him, more and more. "Jim!" he mouthed, a silent plea for his T'hy'la and captain to be there. To hurt Nero, to stop him breaking Spock completely. Nero's fingers bunched in Spock's hair, and scraped it back so Spock's roots felt as if they were on fire. Every time Nero thrust, he pulled Spock's hair, and Spock bit deeper into his swollen lip.

Finally, Nero was finished. And as he released into Spock, he slammed Spock's head into the table, giving him an angry olive ring around one eye. He roughly pulled out, and stormed out of the room, leaving Spock alone, naked and bleeding. All his logic was gone now, and Spock whimpered aloud to the cold room, before pulling his torn and dirty uniform back on.


	2. Found

"We've found him. Locked on now!" Jim started at the sound from the arm of his chair, where he had almost fallen asleep again. He looked at the communications panel with black-ringed blue eyes. Four days of little sleep made Jim look like death. His face was deathly pale and his hair would not flatten into any sort of shape after it had been tangled every which way with Jim's constant tossing and turning. The whole crew was concerned for Jim as well as Spock, not least Leonard McCoy, Bones, Chief Medical Officer and Jim's best friend. It startled them all to see their captain, their authority, sleepless, upset, looking dreadful. They hadn't realised how much their First Officer meant to him, and still didn't know the full story.

But now, at that message, Jim's blue eyes regained the sparkle they had always had, and his thin, drawn lips smiled, making his face almost radiant again.

"I'll be right there, Mr. Sulu, stand by," he said into the monitor, his voice normal, not hoarse or monotonous. Jim made his way off the bridge, Bones following him into the lift.

"Jim, you're ill! I can't let the captain go on an away mission when he could faint any minute, damn it!" Jim gave his friend his most penetrating stare.

"Bones, yes you can. I'm going. End of." As an undertone, half to himself he added., "You have no idea what Spock means to me…I can't leave him…" Bones raised an eyebrow, but didn't argue, everything suddenly becoming clear.

"Damn it Jim!" he said quietly, resting a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Why the hell didn't you tell me? I'm supposed to be your best friend!" Jim gave a lop-sided smile to his friend before determinedly striding forward into the transporter room and straight onto the beam down pads.

"Energise!" It wasn't the first time Jim had been aboard the _Narada. _He had been on several missions to search for Spock in various locations, but they had never succeeded.

The familiar glow left him, and Jim found himself shivering in a freezing, dimly lit room. This seemed a likely place for the Romulans to keep a prisoner.

"Hello?" Jim called out, softly, in case there were any guards around. "Spock?"

That voice…Spock knew it, but hardly dared to believe. He stayed stock still where he lay, whispering back.

"Jim? Jim is that you?"

"Spock? Spock!" Jim heard the barely audible reply in the room and saw someone move on the table in the middle. He stumbled over, boots and the bottom of his uniform getting soaked on the flooded floor, and pulled the bruised and battered Vulcan into him, not bothering about what kind of logic was being wrecked. It turned out Spock didn't care any more, he was running on emotions now, and fell into Jim, steadying himself in the arms he loved so much. Jim pulled Spock's head onto his shoulder and stroked his matted, lengthening hair, placing tender, needy kisses to the side of Spock's head.

Jim hadn't had a chance to see Spock's injuries, but he could see his bitten, bleeding ear from this proximity. He kissed it gently, and Spock was grateful for the cool lips on the stinging cut. He moved to kiss Jim's cool lips, drawing kiss after chaste kiss from them in his need. Jim could feel his lover's swollen lips too, and took care to think of Spock first. Not that it was very hard; he was desperate to take care of his T'hy'la and repay all the favours he owed Spock.

"You were too late…too late Jim," Spock mumbled into Jim's shirt, his breath catching in his throat, and tried to pull the captain even closer now he was here.

"Oh Spock," Jim's heart sank painfully in his chest at the words and the broken voice. "I'm so sorry. I tried…I…" He swallowed the lump in his throat and rubbed his hand in slow soothing circles around Spock's back. Spock shook his aching head.

"You're here now…Jim, oh Jim…" The captain was shocked by Spock's emotional state.

"Oh God Spock, you have no idea how bad it's been without you," he whispered fiercely, forcing away his regret and anger at not getting there sooner. "What did Nero _do _to you?" he asked, a sense of dread washing over him; he knew he wouldn't like what he heard.

Spock did not answer, but began to shake. Everything he had been through replayed in his head, and it was only Jim's reassurance and solidity that kept him from screaming out now Nero was gone.

"Can we? Can we…go home now…please?" he managed to choke out. Jim understood, this place was dark and foreboding to him, who had not suffered at the hands of a crazed Romulan leader. Jim nodded.

"Of course, let's go sweetheart," Jim murmured against Spock's hair, using a reassuring pet name he hadn't in a long time. Jim flipped open his communicator.

"Sulu? I've got him. Beam us up now please." And to Spock, after he had received confirmation. "Can you stand?" The Vulcan nodded, and stepped on to the floor shakily, the cell disappearing, and the familiar glow of the transporter beam enveloping him.

It was a shock for Spock to be back in a place he knew, and the bright lights hurt his head even more. He screwed up his eyes as he was surrounded by the transporter crew, crowding him, happy to have him back. Spock was glad to _be_back, but he wanted to curl up in his quarters with Jim now, or at least get something to ease his pain levels.

Spock suddenly started to feel a tinge of unease; for humans this would be the beginning of a panic attack, because he was surrounded by noise and people and pain, and he couldn't see Jim anywhere. He began to fall, swaying on his feet.

"Okay people, leave Mr. Spock alone now, he needs medical bay. Sulu, call McCoy!" Spock reached towards the sound of Jim's voice, saving him. Jim was beside Spock in an instant, an arm around his shoulders, keeping him together enough that he was dragged back from the brink.

For all his insults and gruffness towards Spock, Bones genuinely cared about the _Enterprise's _first officer, and was in the transporter room in an instant, knowing that it was useless to bring a stretcher, Spock would never be argued on to it; they'd end up dragging him or something. But when Bones got to the transporter room and saw Spock, he couldn't help but intake his breath sharply when he saw the state of the battered first officer. His hands and face were covered in an assortment of green bruises and cuts, some still bleeding slowly, especially his once-delicate ear. It was too late to do much with a dermal-regenerator; they would have to heal slowly by themselves. The good doctor dreaded what he might see under those clothes.

He went to Spock's other side and pulled one of his arms around his own shoulders.

"C'mon then Spock, I gotta take a look at you," he said, trying to keep his voice normal. Together, he and Jim managed to half-drag the half-responsive Vulcan to his quarters; even Bones agreed that Spock should have privacy and familiarity, even though they were still unsure what had happened to the Vulcan.

"All I can do is give him some painkillers," Bones sighed, feeling helpless. Which was nothing compared to what Jim felt. The look on his face tugged at McCoy's heartstrings.

"At least you can do something," the captain murmured, feeling lost. "I...I was too late…I'm supposed to look out for him…"

"Stop it, Jim." Bones cut him off as he gave Spock various hypos.

The doctor finished and tactfully left, so Kirk could sit with Spock and hold his hand again. The Vulcan was still fully conscious, so still wanted the touch.

"Spock," Jim said urgently, wondering what could make Spock so broken. "What happened? I need you to tell me. Please." The Vulcan shuddered and tried to pull Jim closer. The captain sat behind the first officer on the bed and pulled him to his chest. Spock rested his head on Jim's chest and held on, attempting to speak. It hardly hurt any more; the doctor had taken care of that, but Spock's head still throbbed; his mental discipline gone.

"Nero…he…he…I was captured. They wanted information about the _Enterprise. _About you…and he wants revenge from me anyway…" Spock's breathing quickened until it felt to him he could barely find any breath. He concentrated on the solid arms around him, the captain's heartbeat beneath his ear. "I was tied…held to a table…they asked me about everything and when I didn't answer they beat me. When I still didn't answer they started to attempt to persuade me."

"What did they do?" Jim's own voice was slightly shaken; he wasn't sure he really wanted to know.

"They…held me underwater. They were contemplating drowning me if I didn't cooperate. But Nero…he told them to leave me to him." Spock's mind went over what had happened. He closed his eyes, trying to block it all out, but he saw it all before his eyes, Nero's murderous face in front of him.

"No…no!" Spock cried, trying to push away an imaginary attacker. Jim caught his wrists, which made him open his eyes.

"Spock! Spock, stop it, you're safe now. Nero did something to you. What did he do?" Jim's tone was low and threatening, filled with hatred for the Romulan that had hurt his love. His eyes were full of guilt and sadness, glassy and shining.

"Jim…" Spock reached out and stroked that captain's cheek. "I'm sorry if I'm hurting you…I'll try to be strong. I promise." Jim furiously scrubbed at his eyes.

"No Spock! Don't you dare say things like that. It isn't your fault, not ever. I'll always be here for you; you can break as much as you want. I'll pick up all the pieces."

Spock nodded and carried on.

"Nero…he…attacked me…but he…it was…" Spock's vision blurred as the pain hurt his mind with memory. His last word was a choked whisper as he tried to blink to clear his eyes, "_rape." _Spock's sight did not clear, and he only realised why when Jim gently took the tears off his face with delicate fingers. His eyes widened at the shock of the new sensation and the further, shameful breakdown of his mental stability.

"Oh Spock…" Jim pulled Spock to face him and held on to him, hard. Spock made no pretense of discipline now, and leant into Jim's shoulder, his own shaking with sadness. The captain rocked his first officer, the same sensitive hands rubbing the Vulcan's back as they relived the memory together. Jim placed soft kisses along each line of scratches on Spock's face.

"It…the pain…"

"Shh. I know, I know…it's my fault. I should have been there sooner…I should have personally tried to find you! Spock, I'm so sorry." Jim needed someone to blame.

"Don't blame yourself Jim, it was not your doing…I need you now, more than ever." Spock trembled.

"Save me, James," he choked. Jim was startled into silence by the use of his full name. Nobody ever used it.

"I will. I will. Anything you want."

"Love me, Jim."

"Maybe I shouldn't…after this…" Jim said hesitantly, his body responding to the Vulcan's touch. Spock shook his head.

"I need to feel you inside me and know that it's you. Always you." Jim nodded.

"I won't hurt you. I'll do my very best." Spock did not answer, instead pulling Jim to kiss him, his tongue running over Jim's even teeth. The captain gave in and tangled his fingers in his first officer's bloodstained hair, attempting to offer some comfort to Spock.

"Any time you want me to stop, just tell me." The Vulcan played with the hem of Jim's shirt, breaking the kiss only to mew softly and pull it off. Jim followed suit, pulling Spock's ragged blue shirt off, his eyes widening at what he saw underneath.

"Your skin…Spock there are so many cuts…"

"They don't hurt any more. They'll heal in time. And so will I. I need your help Jim."

The captain nodded and moved his lips from Spock's to kiss a path down his neck and across his shoulder, down his chest to abuse a green tinted nipple. Jim took care not to linger too long on any of the wounds. Nothing was particularly serious, but if he caught them, it would hurt. And Nero had hurt Spock as he cruelly had sex with him. If Jim hurt Spock, then he wouldn't help.

The Vulcan wrapped his arms tightly around the human and pulled him impossibly closer. Their legs tangled together and Jim felt his cock pressed against Spock's already hard one. It was his turn to let out a moan, but he was careful to keep his attention focused on Spock. Jim broke a kiss and looked down at the man he had chosen. They weren't officially bonded yet, but they would cross that bridge when Pon Farr came around. Spock's sweet lips were slightly parted and his cheeks held an olive blush as small beads of sweat gathered on his usually smooth chest. Jim stroked a lock of Spock's hair away from his pretty face and smiled.

"Oh Spock, you're so beautiful." The greenish blush deepened, and Spock raised himself to Jim for a softer kiss, with more quiet passion than before.

"You're the only person that thinks so," the Vulcan whispered back. "But you're the only person that matters right now." Jim ached to see his lover smile, but Spock's face remained carefully neutral. And on reflection of his ordeal, the captain was hardly surprised.

Spock's hand suddenly snapped around Jim's wrist. He brought Jim's fingers to his lips and kissed them at first, before licking at them suggestively. Jim raised an eyebrow as Spock made sure his fingers were slick enough. Jim placed his hands all over Spock's body, touching gently wherever he could before he began to prepare and stretch Spock, who gasped at the touch. "Your fingers are cold!" he hissed, a small smile playing on the corners of his mouth at last. Jim beamed back at him, capturing the lips again.

Once he was sure he wouldn't hurt Spock, he pushed the Vulcan back on to the bed and pushed into him, as carefully as he could. Spock's smile vanished as he accustomed himself to Jim, and his eyes closed, his head shaking.

"Spock." Jim said it quite forcefully, breaking Spock away from memory again. "Look at me." The captain gently placed a cool hand on the side of his lover's face, making sure he didn't turn to look away.

"Thank you…" Spock whispered, beginning a rhythm himself, and wrapping his agile (though stiff) legs around his T'hy'la's waist. Jim swallowed and matched the rhythm Spock set out, letting him lead and do it his way. Their eyes stayed locked together, Jim giving all the love and support he could silently, looking into the dark eyes with the violet spark deep in them. Jim hadn't noticed that before, he had never looked that close. The mesmerising eyes thanked him, boring deep into the icy blues that Jim possessed. Jim's hands wandered over Spock again, and he leaned down to kiss, and lick a path along Spock's jawline, sucking at the spot just below his ear, and causing the Vulcan's hands to dig into his back.

"Jim…oh Jim…" Spock said gratefully in a hitching whisper, giving in to the sex and banishing all thoughts of torment. The captain himself didn't say anything, but carried on with his slow, deliberate pattern that Spock had mapped out. His hands moved all over Spock, gently and slowly. They cupped Spock's face, then snaked down his neck and shoulders, over his chest and down his stomach until they reached his neglected erection. Spock shuddered in delight and pulled his captain closer, full of desire now.

Jim felt the change in Spock, and sped up the rhythm slightly, thoughts of pleasure for himself creeping in. But Jim's fingers brushed over Spock's leaking cock, barely touching it; making the Vulcan bite his lip and gasp out for more. It was only the captain that could reduce him to this. The guttural sounds Spock let out made the captain jerk his hips involuntarily. It had been too long, for both of them; Jim was already close, as was his partner. Sweat-dampened strands of blonde hair fell into Jim's face, the tender Vulcan reaching up to brush it away and to illicit more kisses from the full lips.

The soft, sensual kisses Spock administered became more demanding, forceful as the captain used his skilled fingers on the Vulcan's hard-on. "Jim…Jim!" Spock took pleasure in just saying his captain's name as he continued to arch into the other. Jim's breathing was quick, erratic, and Spock could sense his orgasm. The captain kissed Spock once more, the Vulcan pushing back into his thrust and biting his bottom lip in their embrace, and the captain was tipped over the edge; releasing deep into Spock, who followed with a few more feathery, teasing caresses.

The dominant captain gently disentangled himself from Spock, and had the sense to gently sponge them both down. He gathered Spock into his arms again, looking concerned.

"It's all right Jim," Spock whispered, getting his breathing back under control, though some of the painkillers were wearing off and dark thoughts began to creep in once more. "I'm all right. Thank you." Spock could not resist laying his head on Jim's shoulder once more and pressing into his chest, liking the warm support of the strong arms that were only for him. Jim smiled and held on to Spock, supporting him as he sensed the pain and memories, long after they fell asleep. It would take a long time for Spock to heal, but both of them knew Kirk would be there as he did.


End file.
